The First Cut Is The Deepest
by prongsmarauderette
Summary: When you break up, your whole identity is shattered. You are no longer alive. Lily is no longer alive.


**A.N**- Lily and Lorcan oneshot. Simply not enough fan fics involing this paring! Shame really. Enjoy!

It seems like yesterday when I first tasted your lips on mine, the first time you slipped your hand into mine and gave me a reassuring squeeze it would be fine or when I looked into your eyes when you whispered for the first time you loved me..

But is worth now? It is all memories, memories shattered into a million pieces that can never be restored again. You're gone. Just like that my whole world just tore in two with one single sentence utter from your mouth "I'm sorry Lily.. I can't do this anymore-" And with that, I was left to pick up the pieces of my heart.

_If anyone asks,  
I'll tell them we both just moved on_

"Lily, you've hardly had any of your dinner" Ginny frowned as she searched the lifeless face of her daughter. Ginny bit down on her lip and with a small voice she asked "Is this got anything to do with Lorcan?" Lily's brown eyes flickered towards her mothers as she felt the guard build up around her once more "No. No. I'm not that hungry" She said in a weak voice, dismissing the topic all together she rose to her feet "If you'll excuse me-"

_When people all stare  
I'll pretend that I don't hear them talk_

Shaking her head gently Ginny looked across the table towards her husband with a pained look "She can't deal with this on her own when she's torn Harry" She whispered, with a glance over her shoulder she felt the sadness emitted from the emerald green eyes too much to bear and with that she left the room stifling a sob.

_Whenever I see you,  
I'll swallow my pride  
and bite my tongue_

The laughter rang in her ears as she stood isolating herself in the corner of the kitchen, her eyes scanning over the smiling faces of her aunts and uncles, her cousins who seemed to be engrossed with the latest story her uncle was telling them. A typical Sunday afternoon at The Burrow yet she felt out of place, what she was feeling wasn't happiness and joy.. It was cold and numb inside of her.

"Sorry were late, Rolf found this new plant that can help detect Nargles and shield them away from you!" Her heart plummeted into her stomach slowly she turned her head to see the Scamander family, her god mother and husband coming in first with smiles and greetings closely followed by their son Lysander who nodded at Lily before moving in towards Rose and then, then it was him.

Standing there with his sandy hair falling into his perfect face, his sparkling blue eyes making her own water "Hey" His voice seemed to make her heart flutter, her head spin as she tried to focus on anyone but him. Gripping the end of her sleeve she twisted it into her sweaty palms as she nodded curtly "Hey.." Her voice cracked what had he done to her to make her end up like this..

_Pretend I'm okay with it all  
Act like there's nothing wrong  
_

The tears fell down her cheeks, each breath she took felt like a dagger going through her as she battled to control her sobs erupting from within her broken soul "Lily?" The voice floated through the semi closed door of her mothers old bedroom, hastily wiping her damp eyes she saw the blurred face of Rose standing there, pity was plastered all over her face as she slowly slipped into the room and closed the door behind her "Lily I know it's hard for you-" Rose began before Lily looked at her, putting up her hand she silenced her "I'm fine Rose, I'm just fine so please stop looking at me with those sorrowful eyes feeling pity for me" Her words came out cold and harsh, Rose blinked before nodding slowly and moved for the door before she looked back at her cousin "You may be fine on the outside Lily, but we all can see your broken and shielding yourself from people who actually love and care for you" And with that she left Lily to run her hands through her hair and grip them around her hair letting the salty tears fall once more..

_Is it over yet?  
Can I open my eyes?  
Is this as hard as it gets?  
Is this what it feels like to really cry…_

**A.N- **Disclaimer, I don't own these characters. Song lyrics by Kelly Clarkson. Reviews?


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